Adoption - A Lifelong Experience for All
By Joan Clark, Executive Director
Adoption is big in the news these days. From stories of celebrities adopting to TV exposés of search and reunion, there seems to be adoption in the media every week. Even the popular TV show JAG had a character who was considering "putting her baby up for adoption."
Although many of you reading this are probably pleased that adoption is no longer the hushed secret of a few decades ago, many of you may share the same concerns about the quality and accuracy of what is being presented. Even when a TV program is fictional, and members of the triad are shown in less than honest and compassionate ways, it has the potential to prejudice people's feelings toward triad members. How often have you seen adopters as people just looking to "get a baby"? Or birth mothers portrayed as women with a troubled past? Or adoptees as having problems?
How can triad members, and friends of the triad, respond to programs and articles that they find offensive? Should there be a response? How much response is absolutely necessary? Can too much attention to a situation make matters worse? In the past, when adoptive parents tried to change the "adopt a highway", "adopt a dog" and other "adopt a" programs, many were criticized for being too sensitive and over protective. But many were also able to educate the general public about the seriousness of adoption.
If triad members want to educate others about adoption issues, they need to be educated themselves. This means learning about the other triad issues and various kinds of adoption in addition to one's own experience. This means adoptees need understand the circumstances under which birth mothers have placed, or been forced to place their children in adoption. Birth parents need to hear how their experiences have led to changed policies and procedures in adoption. Adoptive parents need to better understand the kinds of adoption they did not choose. International adopters need a better working knowledge of open, domestic adoption. Infant adopters need a better understanding of the need for subsidies for special needs adopters.
If the members of the triad are to be shown more respect by the media, then the members of the triad need to have more knowledge of and respect for each other. This can be achieved by education and open communication between triad members.
Many opportunities for sharing within the triad were available at the annual conference, but this is just a one-day event. For the remainder of the year, people can continue learning by using the Lending Library, attending group meetings designed for triad members and attending adoption related educational events.
Some of you may choose to take part in a survey or study. Sharing your experience for a scholarly endeavor will help promote the kind of objective information many would like to see made available.
Years ago the phrase "Adoption is a Life-Long Experience" became popular and then overused. Although originally for adoptive parents and adoptees, it truly reflects the reality for all triad members.
Life-long experiences deserve understanding. For triad members, the challenge becomes balancing one's adoption experience and all that it has required with the rest of life and its experiences.
